"the void 2"

Date: November 5, 2018

abso-fucking-lutely not.

Date: November 7, 2018

Carver came into drawing class today with a huge announcement to make. Apparently he won 2nd place in that art contest, with this:

Yeah, he was so fucking proud of himself that he brought the drawing into class to show everyone. Even worse, Rudy was just as excited, and he spent the first ten minutes of class talking about everything that “works” in this piece of shit. The “narrative.” The “literal interpretation of a common cliché.” The “contrasting textures.”

Horseshit. Everything in this drawing's the same saturation. The composition is way off balance. And the manga-looking faces are so ugly, the entire nation of Japan's gonna sink into the ocean to get away from the shame of this existing.

How did this win anything? Who even fucking voted for this?! I don't even want to be upset anymore that I lost, if this is the kind of shit they were looking for. Because who on Earth even votes for that over my entry:

You tell me, who had the better drawing? Here, we'll put it to a vote:

J.

lost

Date: November 9, 2018

I'd heard of artists's block before. Whenever I saw people online complaining about it in the past, I always figured they just weren't able to focus enough on their art, that they were letting shit from the rest of their life get in the way of them doing what they wanted. That, or they weren't really very good at drawing, and that's why they kept hating everything they were making.

When I was in high school, and before that, I had to spend most of the day doing stuff other than making art, so whenever I did have free time I couldn't get drawing fast enough, you know? I always had a head full of ideas, of images, and I would rush to get them all out on the page before my mom said I had to go to bed, or before lunch was over, or whatever.

I'd never experienced it before, so I'd figured artist's block was the kind of thing that happened to other people.

But lately, drawing's been a chore. It's not that I don't have the ideas, because I do. But whenever I pick up a pencil, suddenly it feels like I'm holding a two ton brick. Instead of moving on autopilot, letting my hand guide the way like I always do, I start second guessing myself. Will this be a good drawing? Will other people like it?

Drawing's always been the thing that made sense, even when nothing else did. I've never had to think about it before. But lately I can't do anything but think, and it's making the process a lot less fun.

J.